Diving Deeper- My 21 day Journey to re-write my souls contract w/ Parashakti
So as in life with all things, you just never know do you - so I think to be present is the most important thing you can do really - to show up -
And for me that’s what been happening, I’ve been showing up and asking spirit for answers- clarity - on my journey
as many follow and I’m grateful to say share in the treasures of my road- my unique and specific path - and know that we all have one - You can witness my passions - the many and various which harvest greatly from writing and teaching, communicating on a grand scale and making music - a vibratory frequency that echoes outward connecting into the vast unknown banding communities - reminding of home - and so in that regard I think of myself as a link in the chain - and through this deep soul connective process guided by Parashakti - I am able to make the connection and really listen - I can honestly say that I have never experienced my soul so clearly - or heard it speak - really really casting a light down on the things that perhaps are hard to see - but so purposeful - and in the light that births of the darkness- you can heal yourself. In facing these things, I am letting go.
In the first vision quest - true love was the intention, I had an 11 day journey ending on the Scorpio full moon and I came upon my transformative snake ring from Mills - to signify my ability to look into the darkness and transfuse it to bliss - the alchemist - all of us are- but the idea is to open my heart unconcerned with the "hurt" of my own for the belief and deep inner knowing that love is all things - and it’s a process
and it is about dancing in the fire - really confronting shit - and so this could mean that if you are like me - while you are at a festival just seeking to experience the bliss of all things, and while having those moments through raw organic vegan coconut milk creamy ice cream "Larry & Luna's Coconut Bliss" http://coconutbliss.com/ and moments of Kirtan and thoughtless meditative states by fountains - there was also the confrontation of the soul happening with a beautiful person in my life.
A reflective mirror - to show me, though hard to see a place that perhaps I wasn’t distributing love selflessly - purely- divinely from the heart -
and here, and interesting tid bit - during my first soul healing session with Parashakti on Friday - I made a connection with the soul of my future child, which came with the rainbow. Now I can tell you, this is not what I came in intending to be visualizing, in fact I felt my soul resisting, but as my heart danced and leapt and felt emotional joy and connection, I was not able to deny it - this is no rush or time, but part of my eternal contract with the divine and a child making the connection to prepare my womb for its birthing
So on a very literal level, the journey my beautiful friend had agreed to go on with me - had taught me to love deeper -myself, and in that regard my future child, and you - and everyone else here - as divine - blissful - and equal
This process with Parashakti -is deep and sacred and actively happening with the ancestors and guides on all realms and levels - you tap into these spaces and ask questions - and in doing so start on a very real and life long process of attainment - through liberation of the soul -
And as Para says -
Channeling/ thoughts post session w/ Parashakti – 7 days into the journey.
Honoring that me coming from a space of pure compassionate love has nothing to do with the receipt of that love from anyone, or anything – releasing the expectations regarding the way that love is coming to fruition in our lives allows us to be open to receipt of it from all angles – as divinely guided by the cosmic consciousness of all.
Coming into a space where realizing lack that is spawned of a disposition that is humble, is deceptive. For in that space of releasing our need to fulfillment we inevitably connect into the all.
Ultimately provided for when we open our heart-
In my work with Parashakti – POWERFUL and DEEP – “hurts” “wounds” emotions – come to the surface – but for reason, and in Parashakti guiding me to ask myself the right questions, and opening my heart to a space that is prepared to really receive and heal the answers – my soul is able to respond to the call.
To spotlight deep hurts/wounds that have controlled and depicted my life on so many lives – to dance in the ring of fire with them, and to realize that the fire isn’t real- it is but more light that I am an ultimate part of.
For me, my major crux has been this – giving love from a full and passionate heart, and then not feeling the receipt of it in my life – from who what when and where I wanted – created a space of true anger and rage – that then cut me off from all of the truly beautiful avenues that love was seeking to give/live from –
In Honoring my hearts desire to EMBODY love REGARDLESS – w/out expectation – I am able to free my heart from a space, not where I receive anything from anyone – as those actions/fulfillments are fleeting – but to GIVE lovely purely to all who my heart desire to – regardless of receipt / return
In full trust and fullness that the universe conspires on our behalf through each unique movement, through each breath, through each rotational turn and so our hearts have no reason to yearn, but complete permission to just give endlessly from a bountiful fire.
Holding onto the wounds and expectations is hurting no one – but yourself, and the universe IS – loving you always.
Parashakti surrounds me in the light of her spray – speaking to souls that might not even be you necessarily on moments in your journey- she IS connecting us on a deep and real level. Grounding a space in her own beauty for us to step into the fullness of our journey.
Dance in the Fire. For such as the space of darkness between the stars – that is deceptively empty and scary from afar- as you come up to it, as you enter into that space of “darkness” you find the light that lives – you experience its fullness –
Aho – Day 9 of my 21 Day Journey w/ Parashakti
Talking to your soul can be pretty wild, let me tell you – but necessary – if you truly desire to come into an understanding with “what’s up”
This 21 Day journey I am on with Parashakti to re-write the contract of my soul, involves GREAT healing – imagine what could take 10 years of healing, being experienced at high speeds and rapid paces – all the energy coming out 1 time – can be “intense” but the good news is, you are releasing all of it, so it doesn’t need to happen again.
It’s like ok will you get 5 shots at 5 different intervals, or do you take the 1 major dose that could have possible side effects but will knock the virus out completely
And that’s how this feels - like a giant cleaning out of the soul
And Parashakti greets my heart with such compassion, and is an active embodiment of the medicine, that it can just all flow.
So things have been coming up and out – and I’ve just been letting it all go – & utilizing my modalities – such as long walks, meditation, healings, massage, music, yoga – etc.
Art of Love – my workshop I am teaching today – happily – is about coming into full expression of yourself as love – it’s not about having all the answers or being perfect or always light in every moment – it’s about finding your voice – expressing it – being authentic – and experiencing the world as the LOVE that you are – really feeling with all senses in a space of compassion – divine feminine. Through this process with Parashakti I realized it doesn’t have to be “everything” though I think we can get so caught up in that space that we lose sight of what something actually is. Though potentially 1 facet- so perfectly luminous there, that it’s all it ever needed to be and more. In this space our passions can truly live – not distracted by the 15 million other things that could potential manifest within them.
heavens knows that this lil momma can express herself, and in my journeys I learn to fine tune that expression, and utilize it to manifest on my behalf and stay true to my path of sacred wisdom and lessons -
we can’t go so far into the light that we pretend that “hurts” or “traumas” didn’t happen or exist somewhere in our energy bodies and physical temples – because they will continue to be triggered – so we have to go there -
And I feel like each time I dive down into the darkness – to the pits of my being – that I find answers – and I emerge – & then my job is to speak these truths and pass these answers on -
Even down to just saying what I’m truly feeling in every moment – “good” or “bad” authentically -
It’s all me acting out loves true expression -
Follow my heart – & just letting that guide me for a while-
The illusion of the pain is over & I dance in the fire of my soul and connect into alignment with my greater purpose
Parashakti Day 20 of the Journey – Popping in.
Ethereal vibrations float by me as I sit at a table expanding my heart with the morning. Communing, connecting, linking. Accepting gracefully my divine space in light on the earth, for it IS who I am, for it was never not me.
How many hot baths do we miss, sweet lovers do we pass for strolls, how many miraculous moments daily do we roll on by without embracing? What hurts, wants, lies, blocks, traumas, etc. are holding us back from truly beholding all that IS ours in each moment?
Thoughts I reflect upon whilst the sun reflects upon me, streaming down to express its divinity on my heart chakra daily. Anointing me, warming me with its heat, and each time a ray of sun links down on me – I know that I have won. And Each time that I am touched by the luminescence of a cumulous cloud, I am the master. In each moment – divinity lives when I reside in all about the world that is loving, which turns out to be everything as fear is an illusion.
Here I am now even, identifying with all of the whimsical writers who have through time existed stretching out heavenly rivers of bountiful words, milking our souls, hot frothy sustenance to behold and dance within the rivers of ourselves. Here I am identifying with all these deep and passionate aspects of me, why? Because I have held eternal conversation! Lasting for an hour – for weeks, for days, wound down to minutes maybe – but I have friends! Held – Eternal Conversation with myself- and the dialogue has been orchestrated by Parashakti.
Who has inspired greatness beyond what I have ever had the capacity to identify with, beyond what I could have personally envisioned.
I desire in my heart fully, this freedom for everyone in existence.
I shall now cruise around with the angelic rainbow of love light that is my moment, now that I have drizzled these vanilla puff words of love all over your moment, and I shall create a systematic line of events to relay in detail the true unfolding of my journey for your when its truly “over” – but in the now I desire to share for you – my essence. My singular moment of remembrance of all that I am, and all that we are, and the keys that we hold –
And in these unique and enchanting moments two things feel to happen –
Embracing – Sharing.
I love You
Final Recap – 21 Day Journey
I’m wearing my “God Is Love” t-shirt, I purchased at a truck stop in Arkansas almost a year ago now on my 3rd solo cross country drive to California.
Over sized wheels spin in front of me and dirt is kicked up on the highway. Shining reflectors full of lights and new landscapes launch postmarks in my mind. I write letters underneath them and sign them love always, delivered to I am not sure who what when or where in the universe, but I send them anywaI’m wearing my “God Is Love” t-shirt, I purchased at a truck stop in Arkansas almost a year ago now on my 3rd solo cross country drive to California.
Over sized wheels spin in front of me and dirt is kicked up on the highway. Shining reflectors full of lights and new landscapes launch postmarks in my mind. I write letters underneath them and sign them love always, delivered to I am not sure who what when or where in the universe, but I send them anyway.
Clearly, they are received as I am upon the awakening end of a dream, further unraveled through this 21 day journey.
I sometimes wonder if life is less about the experiences we have and more about what we actually take from them. What we choose to fill our suitcases with and carry along down the road. Do we harbor all the anger and negative instances or do we look for all the good in life, the flowers that spring up from the shitty soil that they came from, we rise like them to bloom another day.
Kind of like me. Though I am grateful for so many many wonderful things, in some ways the odds were stacked against me. The pains and memories that I carried with me from past life and child hood kept sneering up to bite me, walls went up because I got hurt when my heart was tender. And I forgive as I look back at a whole series of stories of lives designed to facilitate the growth of my soul, I learned to experience my parents as people who had been hurt, as well as the remainder of other characters in my life who had went wild if you will, including me.
Drugging, sexing, partying, drinking, all the things you can do really that are toxic and end in ING, searching to find that pure core there somewhere, seeking to fill a void within myself.
At 21 I moved by myself to NH. I had a little apt. 1 of 4 in an old Victorian house on a hill in my birth town of Laconia. I started writing poetry, and running. I started tapping into who I was.
I moved back to FL, after a winter of hellacious snow, I was never so relieved for sandals and heat waves. Wow, I had developed a deep appreciation for these tropical things, that previously I had taken for granted without ever experiencing their counterpart i.e. northeasterns and 7 below zero.
Perhaps I was onto something after all I thought as I began finding and reconnecting to who I was.
Shedding years of bull shit and replacing it with sacred truths. Every time I would meet a new teacher on the road, have a new experience, find out a new lesson about me.
I went to Sedona, AZ in 08 and had a mind blowing eye opening experience, the way I manifested the ticket was divine and linked to a picture on my vision board, the day I returned I quit my day job and threw myself full on into the mystic, full on into the journey. I “took the shawl” you could say if you were a believer in the native tradition. I chose the good red road, to keep the secrets of the ancestors and to honor the path of love light home, we are now facilitating on earth.
Which has meant communal living, lots of connecting, long deep laughs, fires, dances around fires, chocolate vegan cake, whole food, music festivals, connecting travels, laughter, twinkle lights, heart aches, long crys, sickness, health, healing, growth, connection, community, communing.
The road brought me cross country to San Diego, for a 14 month stay during which time I would work at mystic shops and facilitate my first Art of Love workshops (though they had a diff. name at the time as they were birthing) and I would read energy for hundreds more people which would allow me to do diagnostics, to develop an understanding of a common thread we all share, our desire to love and be loved, our desire for happiness and self expression.
This path has meant great sacrifice, restriction, abstinence, but in that I have literally gained EVERYTHING.
I would never give up my life, and I was holding onto a little bit of heaviness when I met Parashakti. The journey was winding down in that I felt myself totally transformed but yet, there was a little a hesitation, a sense of non direction and confusion, and a lingering unwillingness to totally let go.
-Day 1 – Total Confusion – picture a kitty cat constantly distracted by all the beautiful butterflies bouncing in her field she goes – talented yes, developed things, sure , but to many swirling wonderments to focus.
Day 21- Empowered, directed. Picture archer with loaded arrow, boots and cape on, ammunition in the holder.
Through my process through rooting out the stories that were not serving me, through listening to and dealing with the trauma, through letting go and burning things in the fire, and challenging myself to share more, express deeper, and be more vulnerable than ever before with myself and the world, some how through that mind spin of a journey, I wound down to the core of me.
Sounds incredible, and unbelievable, which is why you have to experience your own journey to even potentially know what I mean, though I attempt boldly to catalog and express it for loves benefit, I don’t know if there are words that were designed to express to someone the depth of what it will feel like for them to feel renewed in their soul, to really heal any trauma, and let go. Aho.
Para facilitated conversations with me, and held me in her heart the whole time in a space of divine blessing. The ancestors moved with me, and facilitated this growth on my journey.
- I fine tuned and created the total recipe for my workshop “Art of Love” that I had been creating for the past 4 years – DURING this 21 days – it helped that I happened to had pre-scheduled to teach the workshop during this time, OMazing.
- I created an “Experience” – Divine Love Activations –a moveable journey created to assist people in expressing themselves as love, by blending together modalities with various meditation/light hypnotherapy techniques I had been using for years. I am now gratefully working to facilitate hosting these experiences globally.
- I was able to let go heal and come to peace with the ending of a love story I thought would end in happily ever after, but ended instead in me falling madly in love with myself, detaching and making my heart open.
- I was able to fine tune on my path and voice as a writer – how/when I truly desire to use it.
Those are some tangible things, and beneath all that were true and beautiful lessons about non attachment and not having objects of desire but remaining in a space of equanimity, stillness.
That allows truth to come in and live.
Through my journey of five years I ended up in Sedona again, on my way out here the 2nd time headed to Los Angeles, I found pieces of me and pasted them together on the vortex. I found myself as Runyon, through conversation at cafés with friends, through guitar strums in backyards in the mornings, I found myself dancing around fire pits, and on stage singing and talking to my people. I found myself, and found that beauty comes from the inside out but it’s not even physical really, it’s a feeling.
My journey was enhanced and blessed by Parashakti. I am humbled, and elated at the opportunity she presented me with to have a platform to tell and share my story, and my wish is that this is just the beginning, that you come to heal and express, and find your unique voice also.
I love you, and thanks for being present.